i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
