is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
