dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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