Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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