i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
