It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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