garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
