Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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