I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
