I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
