he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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