I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
