i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
pop tarts are not kleenex
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
