Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
