I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just invented taco cereal.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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