If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
