Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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