Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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