gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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