after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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