like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
