conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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