I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
