But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
