Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
