NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
