we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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