you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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