Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
