What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
