Apparently you make a good broom.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
