Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
