Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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