You're so nebulous sometimes
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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