____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
