Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
