you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
