this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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