i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
