Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
