I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
