Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
