You really coming over, don't trick.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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