i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
