she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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