you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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