UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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