We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
