god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
