She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
