I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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