i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
