You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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