I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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