My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
