i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
