I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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