I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
this will be a night to untag.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
